"LORD, you have seen this; do not be silent. Do not be far from me, Lord” (Psalm 35:22, NIV).
I was only thirteen years old. I can still remember the day my older sister said to me, “Get ready so that you can come with us.” My heart filled with excitement. I hurried into my room, put on my makeup, dressed up, and rushed into my older sister’s room with a big smile on my face. “I’m ready! Let’s go!” I said. But sadly, before I even realized what had happened, she was gone. They had left without me. I remember going to bed that night crying, still wearing my makeup. I was hurt. I was only thirteen, and I could not understand why my own sisters would do something like that to me. When my sister returned, I remember my two older sisters laughing so hard at me because I still had my ruined makeup on. I could hear their laughter as they made fun of me, knowing that they had fooled me. Perhaps, to them, it was just a joke. But to me, it was a painful memory that would stay with me for years. And this was only one of many experiences.
Growing up, there were so many times when I felt left out, rejected, and ashamed. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why did I feel so unwanted by the very people I longed to be loved by? Why did I repeatedly find myself feeling excluded by my own older sisters? I carried those wounds for many years. Sometimes, the deepest wounds are not caused by strangers. They come from the people we love, the people whose acceptance we long for, and the people we hope will make us feel that we belong. Can anyone relate? In the bible Joseph’s brothers hated him due to severe parental favoritism by their father Jacob. Later in Genesis 37, Joseph’s brothers threw him into an empty pit (Cistern) and later sold him into slavery for 20 pieces of silver. Later, Genesis 50:19 “But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is not being done, the saving of many lives. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.” As I look back at that thirteen-year-old girl, I wish I could reach out to her, hold her in my arms, and tell her that she was worthy of love. I wish I could tell her that being left behind did not mean she was unlovable. But there is something else I have had to learn on my journey with God: I have to forgive. And if I am honest, forgiveness has not always been easy. How do you forgive the people who wounded you repeatedly? How do you let go of the pain when the memories are still there? How do you move forward when a part of your heart still remembers what it felt like to be rejected? How do you forgive when some people don’t have Jesus? How do you forgive people who still hurt you?
I have learned that forgiveness does not mean pretending that the hurt never happened. It does not mean calling something harmless when it causes you pain. And it does not mean that you must allow someone to continue hurting you. Forgiveness means bringing the pain before God and allowing Him to work in the places of our hearts that still ache. I may not be able to change what happened to that little girl, but I can ask God to heal the woman who still remembers.
I can tell the truth about my pain without allowing bitterness to become my home. I can acknowledge what happened without allowing those memories to define my worth. And even when healing takes time, I can continue asking God to help me forgive. Because the truth is, I can forgive someone and still need God to heal the wound they left behind. Today, I am learning to give those wounds to God, one memory at a time. I was the reason my sister heard: “Jesus save me” when no one else could. The first bible gift was for my sister. My first preaching was for my sisters. Unfortunately, getting hurt, betrayed and disrespect seems at times to be part of my journey. There are times that it feels like the wound was re-open, this time deep! There is a particular kind of pain that comes from being wounded by someone who was never supposed to hurt you. It is one thing to be hurt by an enemy. You expect opposition from someone who does not love you. You expect betrayal from someone who has never been trustworthy. But what happens when the wound comes from someone you trusted? Someone who sat at your table, shared your laughter, knew your struggles, heard your prayers, and had access to the most vulnerable places of your heart? What happens when the person who knew where you were hurting becomes the very person who hurts you? This is my everyday journey. Everyday, I have to forgive! I really have been tested! I admit, I do not like this test because it really hurts so much. “God is close to those who are hurting and saves those who are crushed in spirit”. (Psalm 34:18)
David understood the pain of betrayal. In Psalm 41:9, he speaks of a familiar friend, someone who ate his bread, someone close enough to be true. The wound: Being hurt repeatedly by the people you grew up with and perhaps expected to love and protect you. There is a particular wound that comes from someone you trusted. I have not only been hurt from my sister’s but by ministers, leaders in power.
After being deeply hurt, My question to God: “I’ve forgiven, but I'm still angry about it! Why am I still feeling this way after forgiving him?” This question is one many of us carry, if we’re honest. If forgiveness is the solution to being hurt, why are we still angry after forgiving? I believe it’s because forgiveness and healing are not the same thing. As a nurse I have been hurt by colleagues and team leaders in power. Imagine you’re riding your bike, and someone veers into the lane and breaks your leg. Even if you forgive them, you still have a broken leg. Left untreated, it gets infected, eventually costing you the limb. Many of us are limping through life with the emotional equivalent of a broken, infected, amputated heart. So how do you heal the wound that remains after the offense? What do you do when the offender isn’t sorry? This is very tough! As you read this blog. I hope that you can take the time to fast and pray. Because it is through fasting and praying that we forgive. We can not do this, but God can heal you. Just like David prayed out his pain raw, unfiltered, honest asking God to bring his enemy to justice ; so I have. “LORD, you have seen this; do not be silent. Do not be far from me, Lord” (Psalm 35:22).
Let’s pray! 🙏
God, I need you. We need you. God, we ask for forgiveness. What they did to me was wrong, and I ask you to repay them according to your word. I trust your justice. Help me understand that your plan is redirection. Father, Abba awake and rise to my defense! Please contend for everyone reading this blog! Everyone who has been hurt inside or out of the fathers house. Redirect our paths. Guide us! We need your help. Father, You know the wounds I have carried for years. You know the memories I rarely speak about and the tears I have cried in silence. Help me forgive those who have hurt me, even when the pain is difficult to release. Heal the places in my heart that still feel rejected, forgotten, and unloved. Remind me that my worth does not depend on how others have treated me. Teach me to forgive without denying my pain, and lead me toward the healing only You can bring. In Jesus’ name, Amen.