Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad. ~ Proverbs 12:25
“Victory over Anxiety”
Anxiety can happen to anyone. There are many things that may lead us to have anxiety; whether it is a new job, new home, new neighborhood, college/school, new changes or even things that are out of our control. There’s a difference between healthy anxiety and fear of the future. Anxiety can really affect our whole life. We might experience trouble sleeping, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, muscle tension etc.
Anxiety happens when you lose control of everything. Back in November, 2020 I face many trials at once. Even when I consider myself a warrior woman and prayer woman that doesn’t mean that I have a perfect life. I keep running the race with the help of God. My story is probably a lot like yours. I believe in a God who still performs miracles everyday. I believe in a Savior that died so I could live an abundant life. I believe the word of God is clear about transforming our minds and not allowing us to be overwhelmed, worry and face with the obstacles and challenges. I like to point out that leaders are “normal people”. I like to share my testimony and be as transparent as I can be. I believe that many women can relate and come to the feet of Jesus Christ by me sharing their testimony. Unfortunately, what happens when a leader, a mommy of four who is a preacher and knows the word of God and trusts Jesus as her Savior, faces anxiety? What does it mean about her faith? The stigma surrounding our society today makes us believe that anxiety can be control. I have an endocrine disorder that is often caused by an underlying medical condition. That been said; I drink medication for life while I believe that God will heal me. I have been fighting my endocrine disorder for 21 years. One of the things that an endocrinologist tells me is that I am very sensitive to “depression“ but as a woman who knows the word of God I never receive my dr. diagnosis because I have been praying for a miracle. I believe my miracle is coming.
I was faced with anxiety last year. Yes, life happened. I was facing challenges that I never thought I was going to have to pray and fast more. I was faced with trials with our second born child, we were in the middle of closing our home, relocating, kids were relocating to new school, new town, new friends and teachers. I was getting ready for my board examination to take my license for my RN and had to dedicate hours of studying. I sold all my furniture thinking that we were going to close on the date that we were told. As me and my husband started fasting and praying things got worse and out of control. Our son was not getting any better, we did not close our home and many doors were closed. I realized that my hair was falling more and more, my face was breaking out. I was very weak from fasting. We didn’t have any furniture nor a refrigerator because I move by faith and not by sight. The harder I prayed the weaker I was and the more complicated things went. Everyday I saw my very little hair get thinner. As many people who know me have seen me, I have always had long hair since I was a little girl. I love my long hair. Unfortunately, I was faced with an anxiety that caused me to let go. As I visit my dr. He told me that my anxiety was causing my hormones to be out of control and I needed to visit a dermatologist as well. Since, I knew that this battle was going to be a “victory” and that It was all temporary. I refuse to get medication and I refuse to visit another dr. Not because I was in denial, but because I knew that the God that I serve needed to test my faith. I cried out to God and I really felt like God was not answering, At one point I called out to God as David did. “Hear my cry, O God, attend to my prayer”. (Psalm 61:1). Unfortunately, I felt hurt, I was in pain. I did not have any energy to pray or fast. I could not even pray but cry to God. I was feeling ignored by God. “Listen to my prayer, O God, and do not ignore my prayer (Psalm 55:1). I had my mentor pastors in New Jersey and the Dominican Republic praying and calling me. But, I understood this was my battle, my fight and my testimony. I knew that a miracle was coming and a very big victory. I was still preaching the gospel talking about God of miracles; meanwhile I needed a 911 miracle. I had to interrupt my fasting because I couldn’t do it anymore. Our realtor, who happens to be my cousin, was so patient and encouraged us to not give up. She knew that God did not leave or forsake his children. She gave us many resources and guided us when we had lost hope of our “dream house”. I ask God if this is our home please answer us; but as days pass back things were more complicated. We didn’t understand, I even gave up because I was tired and mentally drained. God sent us the right realtor who happens to be my cousin.
As my mother in law show up in my house I was crying, I was desperate and she started crying and said to me. “Let’s pray”. This is an attack for you because God know how strong you are and God knows the enemy hates you. She said to me “don’t give up”. She said to me Maddy “fight” because your ministry will not be aborted, your ministry will survive and so will your child; this will be his testimony for the glory of God. As we pray in my room and cry out I could not pray but cry she pray and pray before she finished praying the unexpected happened. My phone rang and rang it was my husband on the phone with our miracle. “Praise God”. Hallelujah
I had to cut my hair but that is just material and not permanent, it will grow. I bought different treatments to help with my acne that even as a teenager never had. Dr. January 7th, 2021 we close our home. This was a true miracle. We are now in a new town and new home. We are still trying to settle and get familiar with our area. We will always be tested. God knew it hurt but he also needed to test my faith. I never departed from God. Instead, I keep preaching his goodness even at my weakest moment. I never curse God, instead I pray harder and bless God. Women, this can be your story too. Every woman has a different story and different testimony. Please “raise your voice “ let your testimony be heard because you are not alone. God is a God of miracles. His mercies are new everyday. Life can happen in a blink of an eye but don’t ever stop praying and never doubt God your miracle is coming. Cast all anxiety to God. Many see my Glory but don’t know my story. In “Butterfly by Grace “Mommy and Daughter blog” our goal is to share our testimonies and let other mommies know that we are one body of Christ. We are together in this and my goal is to reach all women and children with our testimonies and the word of God. “Victory over Anxiety “.
God Bless you all,
Pastor Madeline Alvarez, RN🦋
